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DATING VIOLENCE - IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU

What Is Dating Violence?

Dating violence is physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal mistreatment for the purpose of gaining control and power over another person.

You Are Not Alone...

The basic dynamics of dating violence are the same in both rural and urban areas.  One-fourth to one-half of all dating relationships in the U.S. involve violence (Rue, 1989)

Women aged 16-25 are three times more likely to be raped than other women.  Of adolescent rape victims, 92 percent know their assailants, and about two-thirds of assaults happen in dating situations.  (CCASA Connection 7(3), 1997)

How Is Your Relationship?

You are being PHYSICALLY ABUSED if someone:

• Pushes or shoves you

• Slaps or hits you

• Pulls your hair

• Kicks or punches you

• Restrains you with force

• Chokes you

• Throws objects at you

You are being EMOTIONALLY ABUSED if someone:

• Ignores your feelings

• Withholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment

• Makes all decisions for you

• Embarrasses you with bad names and put downs

• Wants to control what you do, who you see, who you talk to, or where you go

• Threatens to kill you

• Embarrasses you in public & in front of friends

• Ridicules you

• Manipulates you with lies & contradictions

• Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons

• Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you

You are being SEXUALLY ABUSED AND/OR HARASSED if someone:

• Makes demeaning remarks about your gender

• Calls you sexual names that make you feel uncomfortable

• Forces you to take off your clothing

• Forces you to have sex against your will

• Insists you dress more or less sexually than you want

• Minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex

• Forces you to have sex through intimidation and emotional manipulation

A Healthy Relationship Is:

• Having fun

• Responsibility

• Honesty

• Sharing

• Openness

• Respect

• Pleasure

• Trust

• Negotiation

• Friendship

• Cooperation

• Appreciating differences

• Caring

• Communication

• Closeness

• Strong feelings

A Healthy Relationship Isn't:

• Feeling bad

• Possessiveness

• Selfishness

• Cruelty

• Intimidation

• Manipulation

• Being called names

• Pain

• Obsession

• Dependency

• Fear

• Jealousy

• Violence

• Self-centeredness

• Sexual irresponsibility

• Proving yourself

• Threatening

Things To Consider:

• Does this person ask for your opinion about things?

• Does this person have good relationships with his or her family and friends?

• Is this person a good listener?

• Do you consider this person a friend?

• Do you “act like yourself” when you are with this person?

• Does this person have other interests besides you?

• Does this person expect you to explain where you’ve been every time you are apart?

• Does this person get angry or hurt if you don’t pay enough attention or spend enough time with them?

• Have you ever seen this person throw, hit or break things, or abuse animals when angry?

• Is this person jealous of your friends?

• When this person uses drugs or alcohol, do they become abusive?

What To Do If You Are Worried About Your Relationship:

Tell someone you trust.  You need to carefully consider whom you confide in when breaking off an unhealthy relationship.

If you are concerned about your safety, a parent, trusted adult, school counselor or other teacher may be available to listen and help.

Remember it is not your fault.  If you need someone to talk to or a referral to any services, please call your local domestic violence program.

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What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behavior that may include physical, sexual, economic, emotional, and psychological abuse of one family member or intimate partner by another.  The goal of domestic violence is to establish and maintain power and control.